the great purge of '11

i have been on a crazy organizing kick for the past week. purging lots of junk.
i have always been a packrat, but i've realized that living in the midst of so much stuff is stressful. it is weighing me down. i save stuff because "i'll use it someday", but it sits around taking up space and making it so i have no room to do whatever project i was saving it for. or i save things because they "have sentimental value" but then forget about them because they get burried in mess. so i'm reading minimalist blogs, and getting rid of a lot. i don't think i'll ever get to minimalism, by any stretch, but it's inspiring. i just want to get to peaceful and livable.

so far in a week i've gotten rid of 4 bags of clothes and accessories (i already got rid of 4 bags in january, and i still have more than i strictly need after 8 bags gone), and 3 bags of garbage. i have reorganized all the upstairs closets, and totally cleaned the master bedroom. it feels great. all that's left upstairs is to clean off the desk in the spare room and set my sewing stuff up on it.
downstairs is still awful, and it's harder to clean because haven runs around all day making messes as soon as i clean anything. but i feel like i'm on a roll now.

i feel so serene and proud of myself when i walk in my bedroom, and i want that feeling in the whole house. i want to breathe a sigh of calm when i come home, rather than sniffing the full garbage. i want to be excited that company is coming over, rather than frantic.
and i want haven to grow up with that sense of calm. i have to teach myself how to not let stuff be my master, so that i can teach haven. i want her to learn how to live simply from the start. it's hard to unlearn the messy ways now. and i'm realizing that a lot of my packratting is emotional. i never had a "childhood home" - i had about 10. each move, what made the new place feel like home was that i brought all my stuff along. so the way some people feel about the house they grew up in, is how i feel about boxes of stuff. clutter is my security blanket. but the blanket has gotten stuffy and constrictive, and it needs to go.

today i want to get pictures hung in the bedroom, and clear off the dining table. i've got a cold, and haven is teething, so i'm keeping to small tasks today.
wish me luck.

shit, shoot, and poo poo head

haven isn't talking yet, but she's about to turn 1 so i know it's coming soon. and with talking will come repeating words she hears, which brings up the issue of "bad words". i do not have the daintiest of vocabularies, and tony's mouth is worse than mine. however, i do not speak in a way that i believe is morally wrong. if i thought saying "goddamnit!" when i stub my toe was wrong, i wouldn't say it. since i don't believe it's wrong, i'm pondering whether or not to censor myself around haven. i think i've come to the conclusion that there is a way of speaking that i find wrong and will teach her not to do, but that it has to do with intent rather than specific words.
i fail to see any moral difference between "shit" and "shoot". is the "i" sound really more evil than the "oo" sound? is "freak" really more appropriate than "fuck"? i can't see how. if the words are just being used as punctuation/exclamation, i don't believe there is anything wrong with "bad" words (i won't even get into the nerdy linguistics history and how "bad" words are really just the Saxon version and "ok" words are the Norman translation).
i do think there are things it's not ok to say. cursing as punctuation is fine, but cursing AT someone is absolutely not ok. and you can curse at someone and damage them with your words without saying a single "swear". i think it is far more wrong to call someone a "poo poo head" than to say "oh shit" when a drink spills. in the same vein, derogatory "jokes" are inappropriate regardless of the words used to convey the disrespect. words do not have a meaning outside their intent and context. so it is far more vulgar and immoral to use "non-swear" words to hurt someone than to use "swear" words to emphasize the emotional content of a sentence.
i want to teach my children that words have the power to build or to break, and must be used carefully. i want to teach them to speak respectfully and kindly. those things are important. but i frankly won't give a fuck if they say "fuck" when a toy breaks or whatever. "oh fuck" will be fine, but "fuck you" will not....i believe learning that distinction is far more important than learning to simply avoid certain words.
i will teach my kids that certain language is not appropriate in certain places/situations. i speak differently at work than i do at home, in more ways than just word choice. i speak differently when writing a formal letter than when updating facebook. sometimes i even use capitol letters. and that ability to adapt communication style to fit a situation an important life skill to know. but it's not a moral issue any more than wearing shoes (which i also do in public, mostly, but not at home).
maybe i will get shit from other moms when my kids swear around their kids. but i'm covered in tattoos and breastfeed in public and take my baby to rock shows in bars...so i'm bound to get some shit from other parents one way or another. and if i know that my children aren't hurting others with their words, then i will feel successful and content in my parenting.
plus, it's super hilarious when a toddler says "shit" in public....

ode to aunt flo

so it really bothers me when women talk about their period as "the curse", or talk about how dumb and useless and dirty and horrible it is.
i think it irks me most because it smacks so decidedly of the old misogynistic attitude that there is something dirty about being a woman. i don't like it coming from men, but expect it, but i absolutely can't stand when women give into that thinking.
there is nothing gross about having a period. it is not "dirty". it is not something to be ignored/denied three weeks a month and then bemoaned and cursed the other week. getting a period means that your body is healthy and functioning. it is an affirmation of the beautiful power of reproduction.
yes, sometimes periods are painful. i have endometriosis and used to spend days in bed, fainting, throwing up, when i got my period. i know about the pain. i'm not saying that getting my period is my favorite time of the month. but it is a time that i respect and am thankful for. it is a time every month where my body reminds me of what it is capable of.
and, i found that once i switched to cloth pads and a menstrual cup, i have far shorter and easier periods. apparently a lot of the cramps, itching, and general yucky feeling i used to get during my period was because my body was reacting to the bleach and weird chemicals and plastics in the disposable pads and tampons i was using. the first month that i wasn't using the disposable stuff, my period was suddenly 4 days rather than 7, with slight cramps on the first day rather than doubling-over pain for two or three days. and it's not just me who's found that. the quickest of google searches will give you hundreds of stories of women who thought they had horrible periods and then found out they actually just had horrible pads and tampons.
but i dislike the disposable products for more reason than just their bad effect on my health. i dislike what they say about menstruation. when i use a cloth pad, i have to come into contact with my period, literally. before i used cloth i thought it would be so gross to wash the blood out, because i had really no idea what period blood was like...i'd always just shoved the used pad in the trash as quickly as possible because it was "nasty"(i always made sure to wrap it in layers and layers of toilet paper so no one would know that i did anything as disgusting as menstruate). turns out menstrual blood is no grosser than any other body fluid. i don't freak out about blowing my nose or cleaning a cut or spitting, so why should i freak out about period flow?
the answer is that i thought it was gross because i'd been told it was gross...by the disposable pad companies.
the disposable period industry teaches girls from the start of menstruation to be grossed out by their periods, and ashamed. why on earth would they advertise a quiet wrapper for a pad? so none of the other women in the women's restroom will know that you have a properly functioning woman's body? really? getting your period is so shameful and disgusting that even the sound of a pad being unwrapped within earshot of other women is just too humiliating to bear?
give me a break.
it is impossible to think that a period is gross and shameful without thinking, though probably subconsciously, that your body is gross and shameful. getting a period is about as tied to being sexually a woman as it gets. so when you ignore/deny/hide/disdain your period, you are necessarily ignoring/etc part of your very being.
for those who feel that although they are sexually women, they are of the male gender, i can understand this sort of discomfort. but for women who identify as women, it baffles me. well, not totally. i do get why it is...because i did feel that way. if we tell young girls often enough that a period is a curse, they will believe it until they are taught or realize better. i guess what i don't get is why we let our bodies be slandered by corporations trying to make a buck off the backs of our insecurity.
so anyways, i'll be getting my period next week and i will treat its arrival with the honor that my body deserves. i will wear cloth pads that force me to be in contact with and think about my period. i will celebrate the fact that i have a sexually mature, healthy body, capable of performing enormous feats of strength and endurance and bringing life into the world. i will use a heat pack and take an advil, but it won't be because i'm cursed. it will be because anything good is a little hard, and my period is something very good.

cleaning up my act

i have never in my life had the urge to clean. i force myself to clean, but it always takes a lot of talking myself into it. but last night i spontaneously cleaned my kitchen. and, even more shockingly for those who know me, i enjoyed it.
it's ok. i'm still me. i haven't been possessed, nor brainwashed by a cult.
i think what makes all the difference is the new cleaning products i've been making. now that cleaning isn't associated with horrible smells and burning, eczema covered hands, it is much less odious. my kitchen smells like dr. bronner's peppermint soap, and tea tree oil, which are so much nicer to smell than clorox and dawn. and i really like getting to play science and mix up my cleaning solutions. it's the same fun for me that cooking is. and then i get to watch my witch's brew cut through grime and work on mess that the old toxic cleaners could never quite get. my stove has never been so clean. my floor sparkles without the sticky feeling that the clorox floor cleaner used to leave. my glass door is clean without having to gag on widex to get it that way.
and, most importantly, it is safe for haven now. she's really into licking the windows and the floors, and now when she does it i don't have to worry because there's nothing wrong with licking up a little vinegar and biodegradable organic soap.
i know the novelty will wear off and cleaning will lose some of its magic, but for now at least my kitchen will be a lot cleaner than it used to be. now if only i could figure out how to make vacuuming fun....



oh, and my all-purpose surface, window, and floor cleaner is:

2/3cup white vinegar
1/4cup dr bronner's liquid soap of your scent preference
10 drops tea tree oil (unless you use the tea tree flavor of soap and then you can leave this out)
fill the rest of the bottle with hot water

you have to shake it up really well because at first the vinegar makes the soap clump up weird, but once it's thoroughly mixed it works so fantastically well. it cuts grease, works on stuck on food, and wipes away totally clear on windows.

recipe time

on request, here are some recipes.

first off, vegan mac and cheese:

1 box macaroni noodles
1/4 cup olive oil or earth ballance
1/2 cup coconut milk or soy milk (coconut gives a thicker sauce)
1/3 cup nutritional yeast
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 jar butternut squash baby food (optional, but adds some extra veggies/health, and helps with texture)
1 tbsp brown mustard
1 tsp(ish) garlic salt
shake of paprika
shake of dill
veggies of your choice - i like peas and carrots

cook the noodles. i use frozen veggies so i can cook them along with the noodles. drain, and turn down burner to low. add the oil, coconut milk, soysauce, squash, and mustard. mix. add the nutri yeast, and spices. mix again. voila! adjust spices to your liking. basil is a nice addition, as is turmeric for "cheesy" color. i wouldn't suggest minced garlic - way too strong and changes the flavor. go with garlic salt.
the sauce also works great with broccoli, chicken, and rice, but is then not vegan.


laundry soap:

1.5 cup borax
1.5 cup washing soda
1 large bar (at least 4oz) real soap - no moisturizers, exfoliators, additives, etc. dr bronners or kirks or work awesome

dump the borax and soda together in a large tupperware with a lid. grate the soap on the small side of the cheese grater and add. stir/shake it up. use 1 tbsp for a small load or a load of diapers, 2 tbsp for a large load. i get 60ish loads from this recipe, for $3-$5 depending on cost of the bar of soap.


kitchen grease buster/scouring powder:

1/2 cup borax
1/2 cup baking soda
2 tbsp salt

mix together and store in a tupperware. sprinkle on a nasty greasy mess, let sit for a minute, and then wipe down with a cloth. this is the only thing that gets my stove clean from the burn on nast that forms around the edges of the burners. supposedly it can be used as a dishwasher soap, but i haven't had much luck with it in that department...tends to leave a film on the glasses. but it's awesome for any greasy, sticky, stuck-on mess. if you've ever seen how dirty my kitchen gets, you will know that it can handle a serious mess.


dry skin salve:

1/4 cup raw shea butter
1 tbsp grated beeswax
1 tbsp grape seed oil
1 tbsp olive oil
a few drops of rosemary and lavender essential oils
1 large ziplock bag
1 small tupperware

put the wax, shea, and olive and grape oils into the ziplock, squeeze out the air and close. set the bag in a sauce pan of water. boil the water to melt the ingredients. as they melt, use a spoon to smoosh the bag around. once they are all melted, remove the bag and shake it really good to mix everything well. keep smooshing or shaking the bag every minute or so as it cools. once the mix starts to look white rather than clear, add the essential oils and keep smooshing. when the mix is the consistency of frosting, cut a small hole in a corner of the bag and squeeze into the tupperware and close it. let the mix cool and set for an hour or so.
the lavender is just for scent, but the rosemary is important. it is a mild preservative, and also good for circulation. peppermint is a nice add as well, and gives a tingly feeling to the salve.
it works great on cracked hands and feet, and i used it on my belly when i was preggo.


facial cleanser/moisturizer combo:

1/3 cup grapeseed oil
1/3 cup jojoba oil
1/2 tsp tea tree oil

mix together and keep in a bottle. use on a cotton ball or cloth to remove makeup and dirt. rinse with warm water afterwords. counter-intuitively, oil is a great way to clean skin and prevent breakouts. dry, stressed skin makes too much oil and causes problems. grape seed and jojoba oils do not clog pores, but do grab dirt and dissolve sebum in zits. the tea tree kills bacteria. use it once a day and i promise your skin will like it. it may get slightly worse at first as the grossness is pulled to the surface and the skin heals, but once your skin is in good shape this will keep it that way.


happy concocting!

home makeover: alt hippy edition

i've decided that if i'm genuinely concerned about toxic chemicals in the environment and in contact with my family, the only truly meaningful and effective thing i can do about it is to change how i live. for years i've complained about the ineffectiveness of the EPA while continuing to use nasty, harmful chemicals every day. in fact, the principle of changing my own life seems to work across the board for the issues i care about. so this year i've been begun making a conscious effort to live in a more sustainable, intentional way. it's a slow process, but i'm making steady baby steps.
so far i have started:

using cloth diapers
making my own, biodegradable laundry soap
no longer using dryer sheets
making and using cloth feminine products
using a water filter and camelback instead of buying water bottles
using only sunlight to light the house during the day
using organic and/or biodegradable body care and cosmetic products
cooking more meals from scratch to cut down on packaging
cutting eggs and dairy out of my diet (did it for haven's allergy reasons, but i'm considering continuing even once she is no longer nursing because of the environmental impact)

by the end of the year, i hope to also be:

using cloth baby wipes
recycling glass and metal
growing my own herbs
using only recycled paper goods
using cleaning cloths instead of paper towels
cutting out red meat consumption
meditating daily


next year, my goals are to:

learn to make soap and start making my own
learn to make bread and bake my own
find a farmer's market and buy all produce locally when it is running (if i can find local, free range, organic eggs i might add them back into my diet then)
have a small veggie garden and expanded herb garden
learn to make basic herbal remedies
only buy used or fair trade clothing
dry on a clothes line


eventually i'd like to live as off-the-grid as possible. hubby and i dream about a house on some land, with a big garden and tool shed and chicken coop and functional kitchen. here in our little, military apartment there is a limited amount that i/we can do, but someday.....and for now i will keep taking my baby steps, and doing what i can in the life that i have now, while i dream of the life i will have then. the EPA will likely always be hogtied by politics. large companies will likely never pay their workers a fair wage, or treat them humanely. but my life and my home can change, and will change. i don't know who said it, but i love the quote that "you cannot change the world, you can only change yourself".

my very favorite blog, about radical housewifery and intentional living, is Apron Stringz. you should read it. she always seems to say exactly what i wish i was eloquent and experienced enough to say.

feminism is housework

i am a radical feminist. i am also a housewife. those two things are not at odds.

it makes me angry and sad when women buy into the idea that homemaking is only something that women do if they are subordinate, un-inspired, and weak, or only something one does if one has put "real" dreams and a "real" career on hold, or even that homemaking is only something women do.

by choosing to make a career of being a mother and wife and manager of my home, i am choosing to see those things as inherently valuable and worthwhile. i work 18 hours a day at the most demanding, but also most rewarding job i have ever had. it is a job that allows me opportunity to explore my own resourcefulness and creativity, and to show my daughter and husband that they are the absolute most important things in my life. i cannot even fathom the sacrifices i would have to make to get a job outside the home. i would have to put my real dreams and real career on hold to do that.

currently, whenever i'm not tending to haven's needs, i can do whatever i want with my time. i have time to crochet, and sew, and read blogs, and write blogs, and spend time outdoors, and cook fancy foods, and make cosmetics and soaps, and watch movies. i spend time each day doing housework, but usually by the time haven goes to bed at night, i have several hours totally free. when tony is not on deployment, i can be there for him when he gets home from work and needs to talk and de-stress. i can cook dinner at my own pace, with real food. if i were to get another job, i would lose all that. when i got home from work stressed and tired, i would have to spend my entire evening rushing through all the housework, baby care, cooking, etc. i would sleep less. i would feel ragged and trapped. homemaking means more sleep, more freedom, more creativity, more fulfillment, more time with loved ones, more time for myself. i can't imaging giving all that up for anything other than an absolute financial crisis.

a lot of feminists have bought into the oppressive, patriarchal idea that the work women have traditionally done is somehow less important than the work men have traditionally done. virginia wolfe and mary woolstonecraft would be rolling in their graves if they knew what had become of feminism, and that modern feminism has become the greatest perpetuator of the idea that women are inferior. i think it is really degrading to women to say that being a mother is not enough of a "career". the work of the home is still done primarily by women, only now women also feel like they have to have a "real job" too. so they run themselves ragged trying to have two careers, because society, and many feminists, make them feel inferior if they don't. telling a woman that working in the home is not "real work" is as limiting and oppressive as telling her that she can only work in the home. society went from oppressing women in one way, to oppressing them in an opposite way. only now women are oppressed with twice as much work to do.

i don't get a "real job" because i see working outside the home as a less important and less valuable way to spend my time and energy, not the other way around. i am so grateful to tony for having a job that brings in money, and putting up with all the bullshit that entails, so that i can have a fulfilling, inspiring, important job taking care of the non-monetary needs of our family. rather than feeling repressed or subjugated, i feel really selfish that i get to work at something so fulfilling while he is stuck working for money.

i am by no means saying that every woman should be a homemaker or get married or raise children. women and men should have the career that they find most fulfilling, and for many women that means a career outside the home. but women who find that the career that is most fulfilling to them is homemaking should not be looked down on for it, especially by other women. the whole point of feminism is supposed to be to recognize that women and men have equal value, and should have equal opportunities and choices. my choice is to be a homemaker, and saying that it is a poor choice or an inferior choice is about as un-feminist as it gets.
in the same vein, men should also have the choice to work in the home if that is the career that they find most fulfilling. stay-at-home dads are made the butt of jokes in our society, which degrades men in the same way that looking down on stay-at-home moms degrades women. patriarchy doesn't actually give men more choices. it limits and degrades everyone. and, sadly, much of modern feminism has become a tool of patriarchy.

i don't raise my baby, cook for my family, and run my house because i can't do anything else. i do it because you couldn't pay me to give those things up to do anything else. the work that i do as a housewife is real and valuable work.
so as a radical feminist, i will continue to nurture, nourish and teach my daughter, take care of my husband, make our home a place of comfort and acceptance, live consciously and sustainably, and develop my creative interests. feminism means i have the right to make that choice, to follow my own dreams and my own path rather than a path proscribed for me by anyone else, including other "feminists".
and that is my rant.